It might come as a surprise to many that the suicide rate among pastors is fairly high. The question that needs to be answered is, “why?” Pastors generally spend more time than the average parishioner studying the Bible and praying; so it stands to reason that their relationship to God would protect them from the stresses that would bring about suicidal thoughts. I believe that a Pastor’s relationship with God does indeed provide protection; however, being human means that there are vulnerabilities that exist.
Kayla Stoecklein was married to a pastor who committed suicide. She recently wrote an article about life in the trenches of ministry and some of the stresses that contributed to the suicide death of her husband, Andrew. She said two things that resonated with me: “Ministry was everything. Our entire world revolved around the local church and the calling God had placed on Andrew’s life. His calling became my calling; his passion, my passion; his purpose, my purpose.” (Just in case you did not know it—Pastors invest their life to the work of the ministry and the people that compose the church. Very often Pastors do not roll with punches of wins and losses—they feel the impact of everything that happens in the church under their watch) “Every pastor needs a safe circle of people with whom they can be vulnerable. They need close friends and a trusted community where they can let their guard down, take off their pastor's hat, and just be themselves. Andrew would often say, “It’s lonely at the top,” but it doesn’t have to be. We were never created to do life alone; it doesn’t work.” (Wow…finding a safe circle of friends is easier said than done. We need friends that we can trust and count on through the thick and thin of ministry. Such friends are priceless and equally difficult to find. What most Pastors do not feel is “safe.” We are vulnerable to criticism, both deserved and undeserved.) So, where does this leave me on a personal level? Throughout my years of ministry, I have struggled with the all-consuming demands of ministry. I have ridden the emotional roller-coaster associated with the ups and downs of my calling. I have welcomed new people through the front door with the knowledge that other people were leaving out the back door. At times, I have hardened my heart and repressed my emotions in order to deal with the losses. On the other hand, I have found it difficult to “find” people or friends that I can actually trust. (Sad, but true) Before someone gets the idea that I am in need of an intervention, please know that I am writing this from a position of reflection and not from emotional pain or despondency. If you are a pastor, you need to find a group of people who will be faithful co-workers and friends. If you are a parishioner, you need to consider being a faithful friend to those that have given their lives to serve. “We” are the body of Christ and each part of the body is necessary in order for “Us” to function as God has intended. We must love one another. Support one another. Forgive one another. Help one another. Exhort one another. Edify one another. Work through problems with one another. Stick with one another. And when it is all said and done…love one another some more. This needs to be who “we” are from the head to the feet and everything in-between.
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AuthorsWriting and Musing from former students and graduates of Northwest University. Archives
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